Welcome to The Horseman Hospital

Hello, there! Welcome to the Horseman Hospital. How may I help you?

A slight pain in the neck, you say? Well, have no fear, we can soon fix that! No, no need to wait in any waiting rooms. Here at the Horseman Hospital, we always put the customer first. Just follow me, I’ll take you right over to the doctor’s office.

You know, we’ve been getting a lot of business lately. It’s strange — the minute the doctor opens these doors, suddenly everyone around town’s been getting all kinds of pain in their bones. Arthritis, broken arms and legs, bone marrow infections — everyone has some kind of problem that the doctor can fix. Mostly the pains seem to be in the neck area. That is the doctor’s area of expertise, but it doesn’t stop him from helping anyone who needs it. The doctor is a very generous man.

Oh, the decorations? Do you like them? The doctor loves horses — used to be a horseman himself, you know. Hence the name of the hospital.

How long have I worked here? Oh, I don’t know. It seems like ages… But really, it isn’t such a long time. Only a few years.

When did I start? I… I can’t really remember. Exactly. Perhaps I have been here for a long time. With the doctor you can never be sure.

Here now, here’s the office. You just wait here and I’ll consult the doctor.

 

Hello again! Did you have a nice wait? Good, good. Those magazines are very interesting, aren’t they? I always like to read about the actresses, they seem to have lives that are so much more interesting than ours. Mine? Oh, I practically live in this hospital. Family?… No…

The doctor says he’ll need some X-rays. Oh yes, it’s standard procedure. That’s right, just come along. Now, we’ll just strap this on… there! Now stay very still!

Very good! I’ll just take these over to the doctor. Oh no, he won’t be seen yet, he’s preparing for a big surgery. Don’t be silly, he doesn’t mind! Just wait here, and I’ll be right back with the verdict!

 

Alright, now. I’m afraid I have some bad news. The pain in your neck appears to be the beginnings of what may be a tumour — the doctor will have to take a closer look. No, no, there’s nothing to worry about! The doctor will take care of everything.

Just lay down on this table, here. The surgery? Oh, don’t worry, he’ll get it done. The patient isn’t that bad. In fact, you could say that the patient is no worse off than you.

Just stay still — actually, lift your chin just a little bit, we want the infected area to be well-exposed to the doctor. Well, you seem very nervous! Don’t be silly, it’s natural to be nervous. I’m just going to give you this shot. It has a medicine in it to keep you calm. It’ll pinch a bit, but only for a minute.

Alright, I’ll give the medicine a minute to get into your veins, and then I’ll be back. The doctor will be right behind me.

 

I’m back! Well, how do you feel? Can’t move anything, you say? Well, that’s just the medicine. You see, it’s supposed to do that. The doctor can’t work on you if you’re constantly moving.

I suppose I might as well explain it to you. The doctor isn’t here yet — he doesn’t like to be seen till the very last minute.

In a few seconds you’re going to fall unconscious. You’re the surgery, you see. The doctor’s been waiting for you. I should tell you that he really isn’t a doctor. You should be grateful that you’re going to drop off. When he operated on me, I was fully conscious, but I couldn’t move to fight back. But I hardly remember that, now.

You needn’t look so afraid. He only wants your head, after all. You see, the doctor doesn’t have one. He wants to see if yours fits.

Really, you ought to have seen this coming. Everyone who comes in here is so stupid. You’d think everyone would be just a little suspicious. After all, it is called the Horseman Hospital.

Ah… that sound you hear: those are his footsteps. He’s not a very fast walker. That’s why he prefers horses. Don’t fret, though, he’ll be here before you drop off.

That’s him now! I’ll just let him in.

Don’t even try to scream, dear. He can’t hear you. You can’t even open your mouth.

Oh, calm down. It’s only an ax.

The medicine’s working, now. You’ll hardly remember any of this when you wake up. If your head doesn’t fit, that is.

I think I hear the bell at the front door — we have another patient!

I’ll just leave you two alone now.

Goodnight.

 

Hello, there! Welcome to the Horseman Hospital. How may I help you?

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